ahh

ANXIOUS ANXIOUS ANXIOUS

and I hate it so much.

Tell me why I get in these moods where I just feel like everybody is judging my art, nobody thinks I’m talented, etc. etc. I know the wolf you feed is the one that obviously grows, the one that gets fed, but it feels like when I’m in this mood the wolf is attacking and eating ME. I have no choice in what is being fed, because it’s parts of me being gobbled up a little bit at a time.

But we’re alright.

I also realize how much stuff is happening around me at all moments, so my art gets put on the back burner which makes me feel like I’m slacking.

I have been taking my boys out to fun to events and fun outings everyday, I have to submit photos and such of prints to get done, I just got a shipment of my books and I already think I have to order more because of how many are accounted for, we leave on vacation next week and packing is driving me insane, Trevor is being a butthead because of his hatred of flying, my last day at my job is on Sunday, and I am set to start my period next week (the exact day we fly).

Basically, we’re busy as fuck, tired, and grumpy. The last leg before we get to enjoy ourselves though.

Remington is so excited about vacation. He keeps saying “Are we going to CAL-EH-FORN-EEAAH?” And it’s the cutest thing of my life.

I just want to lay my butt down on the ground while the grandparents watch the babies for a little bit. I know that sounds awful, but I’m so excited to not have to step in for like even a couple hours because I know they’ll be good.

Anyways, we hiked our first long ass hike of the season this week.
It was awesome.

On Monday or Tuesday, Remi kept bringing up how he had dreams of climbing a tall mountain with a view…he kept asking to climb one, begging even.

Finally, on Wednesday, we strapped up and loaded out. When we got there, I just assumed we’d hike however long with the wagon and then head back down. But Remi wanted to make it to the tippy top.

And I forgot my phone in the car (but had my camera, as a true Clarissa move).

And the boys wanted to stay in the wagon the entire time, meaning I was pushing an extra one-hundred pounds uphill.

We hiked 1,200 feet elevation, and it was a doozy. I was panting so hard, the extra pushing making it so I was barely moving by the time we got to the top. One little inch at a time, looking up and thinking how dead I am.

But then we made it.

And the views were beautiful.

And Remi shouted, “WE DID IT!!!! I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT! I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!” And did a little dance.

And it was beautiful.

And hiking down wasn’t nearly as hard.

It’s the little things, man. The ones like those where I don’t think I’m going to make it, and then everything is stunning and joy filled.

It’s everything good in life.

The first hike of the season was definitely a success.